Touched by Suicide - A Mom - Ruth Tepler-Roth

Trigger warning: This episode may include discussions about suicide, mental illness, substance abuse and self-harm. If these topics are sensitive to you, proceed with caution. It may also contain strong language and is intended for an adult audience. 

If you are feeling suicidal, thinking about hurting yourself, or are concerned that someone you know may be in danger of hurting himself or herself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988.

 

When people call, text, or chat 988, they will be connected to trained counselors that are part of the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. These trained counselors will listen, understand how their problems are affecting them, provide support, and connect them to resources if necessary.

 

The current Lifeline phone number (1-800-273-8255) will always remain available to people in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, even after 988 is launched nationally.

 

Veterans can now dial 988 and press 1 to reach the Veteran Crisis Line.

 

Suicide warning signs can be found at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website (Afsp.org).

Today we hear the perspective of a mom. Her name is Ruth Tepler-Roth. In 2012, Ruth lost her 21 year old son, Jonathan, to suicide. Ruth was devastated when Jonathan took his life. She felt so alone. She remarked at the time Jonathan died, treatment for mental health was in the Dark Ages, much like cancer treatment was in the 1950s. Over time Ruth has learned to share Jonathan’s story openly which is the only way we can break the stigma about suicide. For parents who are listening, this interview is so important because Ruth had no idea Jonathan was struggling with suicidal thoughts until he attempted suicide the first time. We may think we know what’s going on with our children, but we don’t always know until something bad happens. Ruth talks about warning signs but forgot to mention an important one, so she asked us to include it here. Many people who are suffering self-medicate with drugs and alcohol in their quest to end their pain. If you notice this sign or the others mentioned in this interview, intervene before it’s too late. 

Notables:

• When Jonathan first attempted suicide and was unsuccessful, they decided to keep it a secret. Ruth believes that keeping suicide a secret perpetuates the shame for everyone.
• Hindsight warning signs: changes in friends, mood stability, sleeping and eating patterns, Jonathan and Steve both said ‘I am not a good person’, and they would get angry, which was unusual for them
• Rejecting love: Jonathan got upset when Ruth said to him "You are my sun, moon and my stars." He would say, "That's too much for me. I am not going to live that long." 
• What makes it very hard to know if someone is suicidal is that many people, including Jonathan and Steve, were incredible actors. They didn't want people to know.
• We must attack the stigma by making it acceptable to talk about mental illness and suicide.
• Ruth still harbors resentment toward the doctors and clinicians. She questions the process in getting help. It was not easy, not cheap, and she felt that the medical professionals missed so many important things. They were fooled. 
• She also believes that schools are ill-equipped to help and manage students with mental health issues.
• It was tough to get an initial mental health diagnosis which was eventually labeled bipolar 2. 
• When asked what she would say to Jonathan today, "What a loss. The world is poorer with you."
• Ruth believes that the conversation is changing - a podcast like this wouldn't have existed 10 years ago - but those who need help are still generally underserved.

Medical Advisory:

The Run This World Podcast & the Touched by Suicide series does not provide crisis, counseling or direct services. The information and resources contained on this site are not intended to diagnose or treat  any condition. Please consult a mental health professional before making changes to your treatment plan. 

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Music credit: "Forgiveness" by Sensho from Upbeatt.io